Unilateral Decisions

an alternate tale of Edora

Javin stifled a yawn and forced himself to stay alert. It wasn’t easy -- the early spring day was pleasantly warm, his cloak was soft on his shoulders, and the grass where he sat watching the flock of sheep was comfortable and not too damp.

Things could have always been worse. Yesterday he’d been busy in the fields, helping to break the soil for the spring planting, and it had been hard, tiring labor. This year, the village was planting as much of their seed as possible, given last autumn’s disappointing harvest. But spring was also the time for lambs, and Ricon didn’t have as much experience helping the ewes as he did. Given that the flock was still recovering from its losses during the fire rain, and the extra demand for food from the Edorans who remained on their home planet had thinned the flock even further, an experienced shepherd was needed to ensure that as many lambs survived as possible.

No doubt most of the ewes would wait until the dead of night to begin birthing their lambs, he thought ruefully, but in the meantime, he’d just enjoy the lovely day and the opportunity for some relaxation. His responsibilities seemed to fluctuate between extreme periods of activity and rest, and given that today was quiet, he was grateful. For all who remained on Edora, life was constant work for survival, and had been for the year and a half since the fire rain struck, either burying or destroying the Stone Ring that had brought the strangers among them, and taken many families off world, perhaps never to return.

Lost in thought, at first he didn’t notice the soft roaring in the distance, only looking around when the sheep began making startled sounds. Almost a mile or more away, a strange vehicle was descending from the sky into one of the deserted meadows up the rise near the river. He felt a quick thrill of fear, followed by an incredulous sense of hope. When the strangers had come, they had explained that the rocks which made the fire rain kept his home planet isolated from much of the rest of the galaxy. It was most difficult for ships to reach Edora, which was likely why the Goa’uld had not come back. So if a ship were on its way, it could possibly be his people returning!

His first instinct was to race off towards the ship, but instead he busied himself gathering the flock more closely together, and whistling to the herd dogs to maintain order. By the time the frightened sheep were under control once more, he could see a procession of people approaching in the distance.

Once again, he was torn -- he wanted all the villagers to know of the ship and its passengers as soon as possible, but he could not shirk his responsibilities. Momentarily, he entertained the idea of fetching the off-worlder Jack, Laira’s husband, but at this time of day he would be busy in the forge, working under the tutelage of old Greer, who was no longer strong enough to lift the hammers and shape the metal, but knew enough to teach Jack what essentials were necessary to work in the smithy.

Leaning on his staff, he counseled himself to be patient. Soon enough, the people would arrive, he would learn who they were, and then Laira and Barik, the two remaining members of the village council, would know what should be done. In the meantime, he had his obligations.

His resolution lasted until the head of the procession came into sight. Walking near a stranger in unusual clothing was a woman who looked increasingly familiar. She was with child, but she wore the clothes of an Edoran, and he recognized her red shawl -- three years ago, his mother had woven the fabric for the year’s clothing, and made the remnants into a warm wrap, giving it to her beloved younger sister as a gift on Winternight. His eyes blurred with emotion, and his hands shook. Finally, he signaled the dogs to watch the flock, knowing that his people would help him round up any sheep who strayed later, and set off at a run, calling out at the top of his lungs, “Aunt! Aunt Antora!”

“Javin?” came her clear voice in return, and he sped towards her, stopping short so as not to knock her over, and clasping her hand in his own. “Javin,” she repeated, her own eyes filling with tears. “We’ve come home,” she choked out, drawing him into a tight embrace.

* * * *

Holding her young son close, Laira moved through the crowd, greeting friends and acquaintances who’d been gone so long. She was also making mental lists of tasks that needed attending to -- more of the destroyed homes would need to be rebuilt, so she’d need to keep track of which families needed temporary shelter. The strangers, who called themselves the Tollan, had also told them that they could provide temporary structures in which people could live, and brought the welcome news that in addition to returning the refugees, they had a large cargo hold full of supplies. If not for that, as glad as she was to see the rest of her people, she’d have been very worried about how to feed everyone, given the hard winter they’d just finished.

Also, the Tollan had equipment to find the Stone Ring, which they assured her was buried beneath the soil, and when it was repaired, they could contact Earth, Jack’s home. Even after more than a year, surely they would still wish the mining treaty, and there were many things the Edorans would need to bring their village back to normal.

She stopped to greet Thean, smiling in relief at the presence of another member of the village council. For too long, it had been only Barik and herself to lead the village, and she was glad of the extra help. Walking on, she smiled at the sight of her daughter-in-law Naytha, clinging tightly to her mother, weeping with joy. Curiously, her father was not with them, but perhaps he was helping the Tollan unload their marvelous ship.

At the sound of her name being called, she made her way through the throng to Jack, who had his arm around the shoulder of one of his friends... what was his name again? Daniel, that was it. They were talking seriously, but when she reached them, Jack greeted her with a smile.

“Laira, you remember Daniel, don’t you?” he asked, reaching out to take Terran from her arms. The baby all but leapt from her grasp, always happy to be held by his father.

Daniel looked at them with growing comprehension, and smiled, although he retained his melancholy disposition. “Your son?”

Jack beamed with pride. “Yes. Terran’s four months old.”

“I like the name,” Daniel noted.

Laira nodded. “It’s not an Edoran name, but Jack said it referred to his first home. We did have some friends tease us, what with one grown son named Garan and another named Terran, but....” she shrugged nonchalantly, and brushed her hand across her son’s soft hair. “I like it. Where are your other friends; the ones who came with you the first time, before the fire rain?” Ruthlessly, she hushed her inner voice that scolded her for bringing that up. This was Jack’s home now, and she was his wife. He wasn’t going to leave just because the Stone Ring could be repaired.

The younger man fell silent and stared at his feet as though they were the most interesting things he’d ever seen.

Jack frowned. “Daniel?”

Daniel laughed shortly, a harsh and bitter sound. “General Hammond told me I was crazy, going with the Tollan on a yearlong journey to get back here, but I had to know what had happened. And I think deep down, he understood why I needed to come. We weren’t even sure anyone here would still be alive, Jack. I just needed to find out.” He paused, looking around at the families being reunited. “It was a hard journey -- we were attacked going through a few territories of space, and sixteen people died, including two Tollan.” He looked at Laira sympathetically as she gasped, realizing why some expected faces were nowhere to be seen. “I came, Jack, because I was the only one left.”

Jack’s voice was low and intent. “Left of what, Daniel?” His friend’s face was terribly sad, and his heart sank as he realized what was coming. He cuddled his son close to his heart as though Terran could shield him from the approaching grief.

“Of SG-1, Jack. Teal’c and Sam are dead. They died a few months before I left Earth.”

* * * *

After walking along the river for a while, not talking, Jack and Daniel rested against the edge of the stone bridge, looking out over the water. Jack had given Terran back to Laira, and she’d promised to see them later at home for the evening meal.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Jack asked.

Daniel rubbed his eyes wearily. “It’s a long story.”

“We’ve got time. By the way, where are your glasses?”

“They broke on the journey here. The Tollan doctor aboard ship did a procedure that fixed my vision.”

“Sweet.”

Daniel nodded, and fell silent once more. Squinting, he looked around at the rippling water, the bright sky, and the meadows surrounding them, once more spreading with green. It was a sight he’d missed after more than a year in space. “When we got back to Earth during the fire rain, things were sort of... crazed, I guess. Sam and Teal’c had reported seeing a meteorite headed right at the gate just before they went through. We had no idea if any of you were still alive.”

“It was tough,” Jack noted. “Laira and I, and Garan and Naytha stayed in the caves for several days until the fires stopped. Eight people died when a house was struck. Lots of buildings and fields were burned.”

“When we sent a MALP through, it slipped back into the event horizon and was destroyed,” Daniel went on. “But we got a few frames of telemetry, enough to tell that the gate was horizontal underground, with a hardened layer of naquadah and other metals in the soil acting as an iris.”

Jack winced. “So you decided to go to the Tollan and ask if you could use a ship?”

His friend shook his head. “Not right away. We found out that it was a possibility, but then Sam came up with a better idea. She remembered how Sokar had attacked our iris with a particle beam generator, and decided that if we built our own, we could open the wormhole, cut through the iris, and open the gate. Then, if the unstable wormhole hadn’t opened up the way to the surface, someone could go through with climbing equipment and dig their way out.”

“A particle beam generator?” Jack smiled faintly, remembering Sam’s eternal passion for complex technology. She always did love her toys.

“Yeah,” Daniel grinned. “She got Hammond’s permission for the project, and threw herself into it wholeheartedly. And you know what Sam’s like...” his voice faltered momentarily, and he corrected himself, “was like when she got into her work. She hardly ever left the mountain. She drove herself into the ground working on it, and Teal’c and I should have made her keep things in perspective.” He shook his head. “But we didn’t. All of us missed you and wanted things back to normal as soon as possible, and so we encouraged her just as hard as everyone else.”

“How long did it take?”

“About three and a half months. All the tests indicated that it would work, and so we dialed up Edora, and Sam’s invention worked even better than she’d thought. When we sent another MALP through, there was now a huge cavern above the Stargate, but we couldn’t tell how far beneath the surface it was. Siler had figured out how to pump extra oxygen into the cavern, and Teal’c went through.”

Jack rubbed his knees, wishing that Daniel would stop and let him take everything in, but also knowing that he had to tell what happened, that being the last member of the team had placed an unbearable burden on his shoulders. Teal’c, his loyal, constant friend, risking his life to dig him out. And Carter? Sam, whose intellect and beauty shone forth so brightly, working herself into exhaustion to attempt a rescue... he could picture them in his mind’s eye as though they were standing right in front of him, and the knowledge that they were forever lost to him was breathtakingly painful.

“After the thirty-eight minute window had passed, the gate shut down,” Daniel continued. “At that point, Teal’c had about another four hours of oxygen. And all we could do was wait. It was incredibly stressful. We knew that it could take time to excavate the Stargate and make contact again, and so we waited for another four days. Hammond was hoping that the gate would be vertical by that time, and that we could send a MALP through for radio contact at the very least. Instead...”

“Teal’c didn’t succeed,” Jack guessed.

Daniel wiped his eyes once more. “Yeah,” he replied softly. “Once again, the MALP was destroyed, but we got a picture beforehand. He’d dug far enough that he was out of the range of the wormhole, and... his body was just hanging there, Jack. He’d dug until he didn’t have any more air, and then he died. He’s still underground, even now.”

Jack grew even more tense, and clenched his hands against the cool stone of the bridge. “What happened then?”

“Sam went kind of nuts. She insisted that Hammond let her go through, telling him that if she could dig to the surface, that Teal’c still might be able to be revived. You remember that mission where those Christians drowned him?” At Jack’s curt nod, he went on. “She said that we couldn’t give up hope for him. But Hammond wouldn’t let her go. He said that he couldn’t let her risk herself when one person had already died. The resulting argument wasn’t pretty. She started yelling at him, saying any manner of insubordinate insults in front of everyone....” He coughed and cleared his throat. “I found her later, in Teal’c’s quarters. She blamed herself for his death. She said that if she hadn’t invented that damned machine, he’d still be alive. I did what I could to comfort her, but it wasn’t enough.”

Jack raised the hem of his shirt up to wipe his eyes. Around the same time that Teal’c was dying in the attempt to bring him home, he’d come to the decision that he had to make his home here for the foreseeable future. He’d made a life with Laira and built a family, but he’d always remembered his teammates. They were the closest thing he’d had to a family since his marriage had fallen apart, and when he’d frequently thought of them, he’d consoled himself with the thought that at least they were still together. He couldn’t be with them anytime soon, if ever, but they were out there in the universe, doing their jobs and missing him as much as he missed them. And all the while, Teal’c had been buried under the Edoran soil. And Sam?

“Tell me how she died,” he whispered, his words almost inaudible.

“We went to Tollana, to make arrangements for a ship for the refugees. As we were leaving, Sam stole a piece of their technology. She planned to study it and then give it back -- at least that’s what she told Hammond at the debriefing.”

“She stole something?” Jack asked in total disbelief.

“Yeah, one of their weapons-disabling devices. And the Tollan came right through the iris, madder than hell, and telling us that they were reconsidering the mission to Edora. The upshot was, they got their device back, and Sam was forced into retirement.” Daniel paused, shifting against the stones. “A few days later, I went to see her at her apartment. I wanted to try and talk some sense into her. Instead, we ended up getting into a huge argument. She said that our technology wasn’t good enough to keep us safe from the Goa’uld, that it couldn’t even get you off Edora, and that all our so-called allies wanted assurances of stuff from us in return for absolutely nothing whenever we really needed help. I just couldn’t believe that she’d felt that way and never told me.” He cleared his throat once more, then gladly accepted the water flask that Jack produced from one of his voluminous pockets. Tilting his head back, he gulped the fresh water, then capped the flask, returning it. “Anyway, she kicked me out. A few days later she came to Hammond and asked for a favor. She ended up going through the Stargate, saying she was going to go join the Tok’ra.”

Jack stared at the younger man, incredulous. “What the hell? Did they send her off on some idiotic mission and get her killed?”

Daniel shook his head in exasperation. “I know it’s complicated, Jack, but I’m almost done. A few weeks later, the SGC received an unscheduled off-world activation. A bunch of folks came through the gate, led by Sam. She’d been working undercover. A group of folks -- some from the SGC, some from the NID or other government organizations -- had been stealing technology from some of our allies. Sam and Hammond had orchestrated her getting kicked out in order to set up her getting recruited by them.”

“Who was in charge?”

“She never found out how far up the food chain all of it went. But Maybourne was the one who recruited her.”

Jack shook his head. “Son of a bitch.”

“Anyway, she’d figured out that Makepeace was in on it, as well as Lieutenant Baker on SG-10. She’d transmitted the off-world base coordinates to the Asgard, then brought everyone else back to Earth. She and Hammond revealed that she’d been undercover, and then later we went out to dinner. We ended up talking for hours, and she apologized for the hostile act she’d been running. It was hard for her, coming down from Teal’c’s death to go right into a situation where she cut away all her support, but she did it.”

“She was a great officer,” Jack said quietly.

“Yeah. And a good friend. But she still blamed herself for what happened to Teal’c. I think that was also why she took the assignment -- she wanted to find out the truth, but she thought of herself as expendable.”

Jack’s heart twisted at that statement, recognizing what Sam’s mind set must have been. He’d felt the same way years before, when he was recruited for the first Abydos mission. The thought of Sam, who always seemed so alive, so vibrant, in a situation where she didn’t feel she could go on was indescribably horrifying.

“Anyway, we were due at a briefing the next morning, where we were going to find out what people were going to be assigned onto SG-1. Sam was going to get command. But she never showed up. A few hours later, we got the call that her car had been found. It went off the road up in the mountains, and Sam...” Daniel’s jaw worked for a moment, and he continued, his voice shaking. “She’d died when her car hit a tree. Hammond had the accident investigated thoroughly, but he couldn’t prove foul play. But he was pretty sure that it was a setup.”

“Shit.”

“Then Maybourne tried to get custody of her body.”

“Fuck!” Jack slammed his fist onto the stone bridge, wincing as blood welled up from small cuts. “How the hell could they do that to her?”

“Hammond stalled him. Maybourne wanted to turn her over to some mad scientists at the Department of Defense who were itching to dissect a former host. We sent for Jacob right away, and the three of us supervised her cremation.” Daniel wiped his eyes once more and leaned forward on the bridge, staring down into the swirling water. Then, he reached inside his shirt, pulling out a small pouch hanging from a necklace. “Before they... Jacob cut off a few locks of her hair. He gave some to me.” Carefully opening the pouch, he shook a few loose hairs into his palm.

Gently, Jack brushed them into his hand, then held them up so they caught the light. The golden strands glinted in the sunlight, until a quick puff of breeze lifted them away. Horrified, he looked up at Daniel, recognizing the pain in his friend’s eyes.

“There’s one back at the SGC for you, Jack. Don’t worry about it.”

He bit down on his lip, welcoming the pain. “And that’s all that’s left of her? Just some hair and a funeral urn? God, Daniel, I--” he broke off, rubbing his hand against his shirt to staunch the last smears of blood. “I thought that the three of you were safe,” he said, his voice thick. “I was stranded here, and I had to make a new life for myself, but I told myself, I said that all of you were going on with things, that everything was going to be okay--”

Daniel sighed, recognizing the attempt at denial, and the realization that this grief could not be avoided. He was glad, that at the least, he could be here with Jack, and that the two of them could mourn together. The heavy weight of sorrow that he’d borne alone for so long was now shared with his friend, and while the burden felt marginally lighter, the pain in Jack’s face was yet another strike in his heart, witness to the absolute senselessness of everything that had happened in the past year and a half.

“When the Tollan said that they had a ship ready for the Edorans, Hammond gave me permission to go with them. He said I could think of it as a sabbatical. He knew that I needed to find out what had happened here.”

Jack didn’t reply, and Daniel looked over at him. The older man’s shoulders were shaking, and he twisted his hands together as though he were envisioning strangling his enemies between them. He’d never been heavy, despite his occasional grumbles about a spare tire that only he could see, but now, he didn’t have an ounce of spare flesh. He’d even filled out in his chest and shoulders, and Daniel remembered hearing that Jack had become the village blacksmith. He couldn’t begin to imagine the hardships Jack and the Edorans had faced, rebuilding from the fire rain’s devastation.

Finally, Jack spoke once more. “After the fire rain, we had to work constantly to rebuild and make sure there was enough food. A few months after I’d been stranded here, Laira and I got married, and... everything was different. No Goa’uld to fight, no more battles, and the only thing we had to fight was for survival. It’s been tough, but it was also so peaceful.” He stared off at the green meadows. “I’d never had so little responsibility. All the decisions were made for me. I just had to show up and do what needed to be done.”

“And you have a family now. You’re a father again.”

“Yeah. I’m a grandfather, too. Garan and Naytha were married even before we were. They have a daughter, Bellain, a month older than Terran. I have a family again, but--” he faltered for a moment, frowning. “I always told myself that someday I’d see all of you again. That all of you would come and see the life I’d made, who I’d become once I didn’t have to fight and kill all the time. That all of you would know--”

When Jack fell silent, Daniel just stared down into the water, waiting for him to be ready to speak again. But after long moments dragged by, he turned to his friend, and saw something he’d rarely seen. Tears streamed down Jack’s face, and he was biting down on his lip to stifle any sound. When Daniel hesitantly touched his shoulder, the older man gasped painfully, and leaned against him for support.

“I just... I thought they’d be here with you,” Jack said, his voice shaking. “God, Daniel, how the hell did this happen to them? I--” Breaking off once more, he wiped his eyes and leaned against the bridge as though it was the only thing holding him up.

His own eyes watering, Daniel wrapped his arm around Jack’s shoulder, both of them mourning the loss of their two friends. He wished he had an answer for Jack’s request for reasons, but the last year and a half had driven home his suspicions that if there were any answers, he’d never be able to find them.

* * * *

A crowd had gathered some distance back from where the Tollan were marking the location of the Stargate, buried beneath the rocky soil in the crater where the meteorite had struck. Knowledge of Teal’c’s fate had spread quickly, and most of the returning refugees were waiting to see if his body could be retrieved. The night before, the council had held a meeting in honor of his attempt and sacrifice, and the mood of the crowd was quiet and respectful.

Within half an hour, the Tollan had begun digging, aided by Jack and Daniel. Although in some areas, the packed, stony soil was several meters deep, they soon found a section that was much thinner. Dropping to his knees, Jack dug his hands into the dirt, carefully pulling away enough to see into the cavern beneath them, then called out to Daniel.

“He’s here.” Teal’c had died less than four feet from the surface of Edoran soil. To Jack’s surprise, his old friend was still recognizable, although his face was set in a hard grimace and his muscles were clenched. “He’s intact. I thought the insects would have gotten to him.” He thought for a moment, then added, “I bet Carter could have told us why they didn’t.”

“Actually, I could tell you,” Daniel said, thinking of the many layers of stone in the soil which had no doubt deterred most predators, “but it’s not really important, Jack.” Looking up at the Tollan, he nodded. “Help us bring him out?”

Darnat, the ship’s physician, nodded. “I have a stasis chamber ready for the body.”

There were murmurs throughout the crowd, but most people kept their distance, having no desire to see the corpse up close. After another long wait, members of the village council moved through the throng, encouraging people to return to their homes. Aside from a few protests from the curious, most complied at once, recognizing that privacy was what the off-worlder Jack, who had been one of them for over a year, now desired most.

After a few more minutes, enough soil had been moved to allow entrance into the cavern. With experienced care, one of the Tollan was lowered into the pit, where he secured Teal’c to a strong synthetic rope. Slowly, the Jaffa was raised from his burial place.

Gently, Jack and Daniel carried their friend to the chamber the Tollan had provided and laid him inside. For just a moment, Jack traced his fingers over the hard gold seal on the Jaffa’s forehead. “Teal’c, you stubborn son of a bitch,” he murmured, his eyes blurring painfully.

Daniel turned to Darnat. “Later, would you please remove his symbiote? I think he would have liked that. He doesn’t need it anymore.”

The other man nodded, and waited until Jack had moved away to seal the chamber. Along with one of his shipmates, he moved it away from the crater, where work to uncover the Stargate was already underway.

* * * *

“Laira, you should know, a part of me that is never going to let go of what I left behind...”

“That’s not the part I want.”

Sitting in front of the fireplace, rocking back and forth, Terran a sleepy weight at her breast, Laira was lost in the past, in remembrance.

Even that first night, she’d known that holding onto Jack would be a challenge. It was his nature to shy away from affection, keeping himself aloof, and she knew the tighter she clung to him, the faster he’d slip away. And so she’d mentioned a child, something tangible to work towards, rather than love and commitment, knowing that those things could come in time, if he were permitted to remain with her.

“Fifteen seconds ‘til shutdown. Ten seconds ‘til shutdown. Five seconds.”

The voice from the radio had been a surprise, one she was unprepared for. Moreover, it was a voice she recognized -- Sam Carter, the woman who had come through the stone ring the first time. A lovely woman, friendly and intelligent. Laira had innocently asked her if she and Jack were married, only to see Sam’s face freeze momentarily in consternation and discomfort. Perhaps some hints of pain and regret were in her blue eyes, but immediately she shook her head and laughed, explaining that she and Jack were friends and colleagues, and that their military structure didn’t permit anything more between them.

But when Jack had spoken of things he’d never let go of, Laira had her suspicions. SG-1 had been his family. Those fears were confirmed later that evening. Although he’d partaken many times of Paynan’s tolka, the strong drink hadn’t affected his ability to make love to her. Lying together in the bed in which she’d slept alone for so long, he’d rolled onto his side, drawing her against him. He quickly surrendered to his fatigue, and as she hung on the edge of sleep, warm and content, her body comfortably satiated, she’d heard him whisper softly, and had frozen in his arms.

“Sam.”

Whatever their relationship had been, nonetheless there were strong feelings in his heart, and she’d had to restrain her immediate instinct to shake him awake and demand an explanation. Bitterly, she’d reflected that he was here, with her. Even now she might be pregnant. And Sam, may the ancestors curse her, was on another planet, cut off from them, hopefully forever.

And so the next day, she’d taken the opportunity to discard his belongings from Earth, gratified when he agreed with her reasoning. Taking her basket down to the river, she’d examined the strange items. Clothing, no matter how strangely constructed, was clothing, but it was the radio that caught her attention. She’d seen Jack and the rest of SG-1 utilize this device many times when they first arrived, and had marveled at its ability to allow communication over long distances. She’d been so enthralled that Sam had sat down with her and explained how it functioned, also noting that they had radios on other devices, such as the strange MALP that had first come through the Stone Ring. When Sam showed her how to operate the buttons, she laughed, as delighted as a child with a new toy.

Kneeling on the dock by the river, she toyed with the switches once more, trying to remember how they’d worked, and undecided as to whether or not she should throw this away. Yes, it would remind Jack of home, but it was a fascinating device, although not of much use to them now. Still, it was interesting. Quickly, she flipped the switch, then almost dropped the radio in shock.

“Fifteen seconds ‘til shutdown.”

If voices could come through the radio, the Stone Ring must be open again. Furious with herself for having touched the device, she sat motionless for a moment, her mind racing. If the Stone Ring was working again, the rest of SG-1 would be here soon. Not to mention the rest of her people.

And Jack would leave. She’d be alone again.

If she went back to him now and told him, what would he say? In fact, how long would it take before SG-1 came through? An hour? A day?

Filled with a sudden rage, she drew back her arm and threw the offending piece of technology into the river, watching with fierce satisfaction as it sunk without a trace into the swift current. Rising to her feet, she abandoned the clothing on the dock and started towards home. As she walked, she came to the decision to say nothing. If Sam and her friends had devised a way to repair the Stone Ring, well enough. They’d be here eventually, but she wasn’t going to say anything yet. Even if it were for a few more hours, Jack would still be hers.

But as the days passed, she grew calm once more. Finally, she came to believe that when there was no response to their radio query, the SGC must have decided that passage to Edora was no longer possible. Jack continued to share her bed each evening, and when Garan and Naytha wed, he suggested they do the same.

From a home that once had only sheltered her and her son, to her joy there were now four within. And the following autumn, she and Naytha both were blessed with healthy children. Despite the hard work which would always be a constant in their lives, Jack was happy and content. He belonged with them, and if he had any further doubts, he never once mentioned them.

The past few days, though, with the arrival of Daniel and the returning villagers, he’d reverted to his old silent and taciturn behavior. That first evening, Daniel had informed everyone else about the long journey from Tollana, and the deaths suffered along the way, while Jack sat in painful silence. He’d thrown himself into helping the Tollan, and each evening when he and Daniel returned, he’d done his chores quickly, then devoted himself to Terran and Bellain, as though only the babies could give him the comfort he needed. Even in their bed at night, when they made love, it was as if he was seeking solace from his memories, and when he slept, his brow was creased in a way she hadn’t seen in over a year.

Laira, for the most part, did not sleep well either. That day at the river, she’d convinced herself that Sam’s voice meant nothing. Instead, now she learned that her silence had cost Teal’c his life, and she was finding it a heavy burden to carry in silence. Moreover, she knew that in his heart, Jack felt that if he’d been with SG-1, Sam would not have died. An irrational thought, perhaps, but not one he could suppress.

Staring into the banked embers of the fire, Laira shifted her sleeping son to her shoulder, coaxing a burp from him before carrying him back to his cradle. Slipping into bed beside her husband, she lay awake, staring into the darkness, and wondering what she must do.

If she were to tell of what she had done, would anyone understand why? Or would Teal’c’s death and the loss of fourteen Edorans on the journey back home irrevocably condemn her? They were my people, too, she thought bitterly. I should have thought of their welfare. But I was so tired of being alone!

What would Jack say to her?

Rising up on her elbows, she stared out the window, at the stars she’d been told were the eyes of the ancestors. What must I do? This secret will eat away at my heart until it must be told. But how? How can I reveal what happened without destroying everything for which I have worked for so long?

Unfortunately, the stars didn’t hold any answers for her. As the sky lightened, and the stars faded with the rising sun, Laira, still sleepless, knew that she’d have to find her solution within herself.

* * * *

Moving solely on instinct, Jack bent down and picked Terran up from his blanket on the floor before the baby could reach for any of the shattered plates just beyond his grasp. His son burrowed his head into his father’s neck and started sobbing.

Turning to face Laira, his wife, he reminded himself, he noted that she was still staring at the table in shock. Apparently, his reaction had startled her.

So she’s surprised, is she? She tells me that she could have prevented Teal’c’s death and she honestly didn’t think I’d be angry?

Drawn by the commotion, Daniel, Garan, Naytha, and her mother Lenat all came into the room from various doorways.

Over Terran’s wails, Daniel spoke up. “What’s going on?” He stared at Jack’s stony expression and Laira’s dazed face. “What’s wrong?”

Jack lightly bounced his son up and down, trying to calm him. “Laira just told me that on the day Teal’c tried to dig through, she heard Sam’s voice on the radio,” he said in a deadly tone. “She didn’t bother to tell anyone, because, she says, she assumed that if the gate were open that folks would just come on through.”

Looking around at the gathered crowd, Laira opened her mouth to defend herself, then shrugged and remained silent. Daniel was glaring at her with undisguised fury. Garan seemed confused, while Naytha kept her face carefully blank. And Lenat, who had been her friend for years? Her husband had died on the return trip from Tollana. She looked at Laira consideringly, as though she didn’t yet know what reaction to have.

The only sound in the room was the baby’s sobs interspersed with hiccups. Everyone stood as if frozen, powerless to act against the tension in the room.

Surprisingly, it was shy, self-effacing Naytha who first spoke. Moving towards her father-in-law, she spoke with an authority and certainty that Jack had never heard from her. “Terran will calm down if he’s fed, Father Jack,” she said, gently taking the baby from his arms. “I’ll care for him while you and... your wife finish your discussion. You’ll want privacy.” Laira flinched at the deliberate omission of her name, but said nothing as Naytha left the room, followed by Garan.

Daniel waited until Jack nodded at him curtly, then took Lenat’s arm and led her away as well.

Picking up his overturned chair, Jack sat down and stared into the fire, wondering where they could begin. She’d told him she must tell him something -- something that would upset him. Still tired from a long day’s work, he’d listened idly, expecting that perhaps she’d ruined one of his favorite shirts in the wash, or that she was pregnant again, although she and Naytha both drank a contraceptive tea in the mornings, claiming that it was best to wait until the babies were old enough to wean before having more.

Instead, she’d just destroyed his faith in her. She’d known that the SGC was trying to open the Stargate, and had lied by omission. They’d built a life together, made a child whom he loved desperately. He’d trusted her with his heart, but now he wondered if she’d ever trusted him at all?

Quietly, she drew her chair close to his and sat down. “What do we do now?”

“You’re asking me?” he asked in disgust. “I’d have thought you’d have it all figured out. After all, you make such wonderful decisions all by yourself. Why would you need my input?”

“Jack, I don’t--”

“You knew!” he said, trying to keep his voice down so as not to alarm anyone else in the house. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You would have left,” she whispered, staring down at her hands. “I’d have been alone again.”

His jaw worked as he ran his hands through his hair. “Do you know that for certain? And how is that any worse than where we are now?” he asked. “My friend died because you said nothing. I don’t know how we could ever work past that.” Turning to look at her, he was surprised to note that this didn’t hurt as badly as he would have expected. Perhaps Daniel’s news of a few days ago had made him so numb that even this betrayal no longer had the power to wound? Maybe he was still in shock, and the pain would come later. Yes, he’d always held onto the memory of his life on Earth, but he’d married Laira in love and good faith. And all the while, she’d known.

“There was no way I could have known that Teal’c was--”

Fiercely, he cut off her attempted defense. “We knew that if the gate hadn’t been destroyed, it must be buried. You also knew that radio signals could travel through the Stargate even when nothing else could -- I was there when Carter explained it to you. Don’t tell me any more lies.”

“No!” she cried out angrily. “I only heard her voice. I had no way of knowing Teal’c was underground,” she continued more softly. “Yes, I made an error in judgment, but it was not as malicious as you would believe!”

“I don’t know what to believe,” he replied wearily. “A few days ago, I believed my friends were still safe and alive, even if I’d never see them again. A few hours ago, I believed you loved me and trusted me enough to let me make my own choices.”

“My love for you is real,” she said staunchly.

“I don’t know what you think is real love,” he sighed. “But for me, it always included honesty, Laira.”

She raised her eyebrow. “Indeed? And yet you made omissions yourself, Jack.”

He stared at her as though he were caught in a dream from which there was no awakening. “What are you talking about?”

“Sam,” she said tightly.

“You were jealous of Carter?” he asked incredulously.

“I saw the way you looked at each other,” she explained. “I heard you whisper her name in your sleep.” When he said nothing, she continued. “You would have returned to her.”

Jack frowned, his eyes stinging. “Sam and I were never more than friends, Laira, no matter what else we might have felt for each other.” Unbidden, a memory came to his mind, of the fierce embrace he’d given her in Hathor’s stronghold. A few hugs, one kiss when she’d been crazed by that virus from the land of light, and another kiss to a mourning woman who was her double. Those were as close as he’d ever gotten to her. And now all that was left of her were ashes and some strands of hair. He’d never see her beautiful smile again, or see her laugh at one of his deliberately horrible jokes. Instead, he had Laira.

“You loved her,” his wife accused.

“Of course I loved her!” he said in exasperation. “She was my friend! She was beautiful and smart and kind... and honest, Laira. And if she had found someone else, I would have been happy for her. I wanted her to be happy. But she wasn’t, and now she never will be. You’re envious of a woman who died thinking that Teal’c’s death was her fault, that she was a failure.”

“And so you blame me for her death as well?”

“I don’t know.” God, he was so tired. He’d thought he’d finally found a home, a place where intrigue and lies would never take root. “I don’t think I’ll ever stop feeling like if I’d been there, I could have saved her. It’s not very reasonable, but that’s how it is.”

She searched his face, where all traces of her contented husband had vanished, and cursed silently. All things considered, perhaps she ought to have kept her silence. But her secret was no longer hers alone now, and she knew that it would not remain within the confines of her family. “What will happen now?”

Jack frowned in thought. “In the morning, we’ll go to the rest of the council members,” he said. “We’ll tell them what happened. They can decide what’s needed for justice.”

At the thought of everyone knowing what she had done, Laira’s heart faltered. Yet she knew that Jack would do as he said. Best to get it over with. “And then?”

“The Stargate should be operational tomorrow. Daniel’s going back to the SGC to report, and I’ll go with him for my debriefing. I’ll find out what’s expected of me there.”

“Then... are you planning to return to Earth?” She bit her lip in apprehension. “What of our family?”

“I’ll take Terran with me,” he replied, then held up his hand at the horror on her face. “That’s not a matter for debate, Laira. You’ve been making the unilateral decisions here, but now it’s my turn.”

“He is too young to be away from me,” she protested.

“You can come along if you like. I won’t keep you from him. As for everything else, we’ll just have to wait and see what’s decided.”

“Leave my home?”

“Do you really think you’ll be welcome here, after the council tells everyone what you did?”

“And yet I won’t be welcome on your world, either.” Nor anywhere you are, she thought.

He shrugged, uncaring. “It’s your decision to make,” he told her. “I still believe in giving you some choices.” Rising to his feet, he stretched his tense muscles. “I’ll see you in the morning,” he said in parting as he walked from the room in search of his son.

Laira remained seated by the fire, numb with shock. Did I really expect things to turn according to my wishes? Perhaps she had. Never had she expected his rage or the possibility of their life together coming to an end. No doubt the council will advise him to dissolve our marriage. When she had lain awake, wondering how to tell Jack of her actions, her mind had always consoled her with the certain knowledge that he’d forgive her, and that he’d share her secret. Her guilt, known by two instead of one, would be lighter. But now, all would know. And most would share his reaction.

Ancestors, I should have kept silent.

* * * *

Laira stood a discreet distance from the Stone Ring, watching as the Tollan tested the device, making certain that it worked. When they reported that contact between Edora and their home planet Tollana was achieved, a young man went to find Jack and Daniel, to let them know that they were ready to contact Earth. Daniel had brought one of the SGC’s MALPs with him, and it was readied for its journey.

The archeologist smiled in relief minutes later when radio contact was established through the wormhole. He spoke with his superiors, and told them to expect some arrivals within an hour or so. After exchanging looks of triumph with Jack and the Tollan, he and Jack left to gather their things for the journey.

Laira remained where she was. She’d gathered together a small bundle of clothing, knowing that all else would be provided where they were going. Ignoring the gathering crowd, she waited, knowing that Jack would return shortly.

So quietly did Lenat approach her that she startled violently at the soft touch on her arm.

“Laira,” the other woman greeted her. “So you will go with your husband?”

“Yes,” she replied shortly. “It seemed the best course of action. He’s still my husband, at least until he asks for dissolution.”

Lenat raised her eyebrows. “Indeed. There’s already much speculation as to when that will happen.”

Exasperated, Laira turned away from the woman who’d once been her friend. “Lenat, I am certain you’ve heard the council’s decree that I am not to discuss my actions with anyone until they have decided what to do with me.”

“Yes, I heard that,” Lenat replied tartly. “But I think it will do you no harm to listen to what I have to say.”

Frowning, Laira ignored her and began to walk away, only to stop short at what she next heard.

“You think none of us understand why you acted as you did? You were alone for many years, Laira.” The older woman fixed her with a gaze of terrible compassion.

“And what does this understanding mean?” Laira asked quietly. “It does not change anything.” She sighed at the feeling of discomfort within her. She’d been able to keep herself apart from all the condemnation she’d seen that day. Why was understanding harder to bear?

“No, it doesn’t,” Lenat agreed. “My husband is still dead, along with many others. The strangers from Earth who risked so much to bring us home are also dead. You must understand in turn, Laira. I might recognize what motivated you. That does not mean I can yet forgive you.”

“Then why bother speaking to me at all?”

Lenat paused, gazing at her with such intensity that Laira felt completely exposed. “When you were chosen to be a part of the village council, do you know what I remember most? We were debating various suitable candidates, but the deciding factor was your character, Laira. You always did the right thing, always let the ancestors guide you with morality. Even when it was not to your benefit, you acted as you ought, as we all ought. But in this matter...” she shrugged. “I can understand your hesitation, Laira. For a moment, I think anyone in your position would have had to think about what to do. But then, to wait and ultimately say nothing? Or even to wait more than an instant of hesitation, when it meant that we could return? Yes, it would have been difficult to do what must be done, for your people, and to maintain your integrity. Yet it is something that never troubled you before.” She looked at her former friend in sadness. “I was glad to call you my friend once, Laira. I hope in time, you might again be the person you were back then.” Tucking her shawl more firmly about her shoulders, she turned away. “Fair day.”

“Fair day,” Laira whispered to Lenat’s retreating back, and noted dispassionately that Daniel, Jack, and Naytha with Bellain were approaching the stone ring. Terran was in his father’s arms, and grinned and babbled when he saw her. Laira walked towards them, and took her son into her arms, holding him close.

“We’ll be ready to leave soon,” Jack said curtly, refusing to meet her eyes.

Realizing that any more discussion with her husband would have to wait, she leaned towards her daughter-in-law. “For what reason do you travel to Earth?”

The young woman nodded towards Terran. “Father Jack was not certain if you would come with us,” she explained. “I told him I could feed and care for both of the children while he attended to whatever matters he must. Also, Daniel told me that the people of Earth would be interested to hear about the fire rain and rebuilding from one who is native to Edora. But I will return soon. Garan knows this.”

“He stays behind?”

“Yes. He will care for the animals and the house,” Naytha explained.

Laira sighed quietly. She was traveling with no one who felt friendly towards her. Was this how Jack felt in the first days after the fire rain, when many of the remaining villagers directed their frustrations towards him?

When the Stone Ring activated, she jumped back in amazement. She had seen it in operation before, when Jack first came to Edora, but it never failed to astound her. After sending the iris codes, he took Terran from her and stepped through the wormhole, followed by Naytha. Daniel turned back to find her still hesitating.

“Will it hurt?” she asked him, realizing that he wouldn’t address her first.

He shook his head. “It’s cold for a moment, but you’ll survive it,” he said with a trace of bitterness. “We’ll be on Earth within an instant.”

Still she paused. Here on Edora, she was being shunned, but it was still home. Earth was unfamiliar, and none there would sympathize with her either. Yet her son was there even now, so she walked towards the steps leading to the stone ring.

Daniel matched his pace with hers, to make certain she accompanied him, she supposed. “Tell me, Laira,” he asked suddenly, “what you did, was it worth it?”

She knew no answer would satisfy him. How could it? Aside from Jack, he had no family now, and for that he blamed her. To her surprise, she couldn’t even find an answer that satisfied herself. She’d been so certain that day at the river, so sure of what course she must take, and even now, in view of the consequences, she still didn’t know if she’d have acted differently.

Giving him only an enigmatic look in response, she stepped forward, into the icy embrace between worlds.

--fin.