Title: "Welcome to
samandjack"
Authors: Sue Corkill and Wendy Parkinson
Email: mscorkill@earthlink.net wendyparkinson@hotmail.com
Category: Humour
Spoilers: Revelations, Abyss
Season/Sequel info: set during Revelations, season six. 17th in the Danny
Lurks series, sequel to 'Love, Death and Temporal Mechanics'
Rating: PG
Content Warnings: only extreme silliness
Summary: Jonas discovers samandjack.
Archive: "
Date:
Author's notes: This was Sue's idea... honest. I just tagged along for the
ride. ;-)
Thanks to everyone who offered plot suggestions, particularly the SJHW.
For the uninitiated: the very silly premise of this entire series is that
Daniel, and now a large percentage of the SGC, are members of the samandjack
mailing list. The rest of the stories can be found on my website at
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/wendy.parkinson/stargate/index.htm
The Cloning Machine can be found at -
http://pixies-bookshelf.com/tvland/sg1/clone_order.html
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters belong to MGM, Gekko Corp and
Double Secret Productions. This fan fiction was created solely for
entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark
infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead,
is coincidental.
All feedback and constructive criticism will be greatly appreciated. No
flames please.
Copyright Sue Corkill and Wendy Parkinson December 2002
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jonas
put the box he carried down on the desk and stepped back. He couldn't stop the grin that formed as he
looked around the room-his office. His office! He finally had a place to work in that was
his own! He'd been on Earth for a little
over a month and had been determined to prove his worth and value. And now, General Hammond had decided to give
him a chance-and an office.
"Jonas?"
He
turned his smiling face to the door and saw Lieutenant Lewis. "
She
grinned at him and crossed to where he stood by the desk. "Here's the key." He took the shiny new key from her outstretched
hand and felt his grin get even wider.
"So, I take it you like?" she asked.
He
let his eyes wander around the small room, taking in the bookshelves,
worktable, desk, computer.... "It's
perfect."
She
laughed. "I don't know if I'd call
it that."
Jonas
looked curiously at the paper. Login
name: jonas_quinn Password: K256js
"You'll
be prompted every month to change your password."
"Thanks,
She
laughed. "You'd have gotten along
just fine."
"I'm
not so sure about that."
"Okay,
well..." she started backing towards the door. "You have my extension?" He nodded.
"Then I'll leave you to your unpacking."
"Thanks
again!" he called out after her.
Opening the box, he pulled a stack of composition books out and put them
on the desk. It didn't take him long to
empty the box of the few items he'd accumulated. When it was empty, he set it on the floor and
sat down in the chair at his desk. He
was immediately impressed with his chair.
It was comfortable. He leaned
back experimentally. It moved and it
rolled! Not bad, even if the upholstery
was a rather dull institutional gray.
Some things in the universal remained constant. Jonas studied his desk next, opening the
drawers. Some odds and ends, paper
clips, rubber bands, several mechanical pencils. Checking the other drawers, he was somewhat
disappointed to find them empty. He'd
fill them up soon enough, he hoped. He
placed all but one of the composition books in the empty bottom drawer and
turned his attention back to the top of his desk...and his computer. Well, monitor to be precise, he corrected
himself. He ran his hand tenderly along
one side of it. Finally! He was going to have his own computer! No more using the computer in the base
library, no more limited access; he had his own computer. And, he picked up the paper
Looking
under the kneehole in the desk, he quickly found the computer and turned it
on. The expected and now familiar hum of
the computer powering up and the monitor activating had him smiling again. The network login window appeared and pulling
the keyboard towards him, he dutifully typed in his name and password. After several agonizing minutes, his desktop
appeared. Interesting...instead of the
usual plain background he'd become familiar with in the library, the picture on
the monitor was what he recognized as the pyramids of
Locating
the Internet Explorer icon, Jonas clicked his mouse on it and tried to wait
patiently as the page loaded. He was
almost bursting with excitement when the screen finally resolved into...a
picture of Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill?
He checked the URL-www.samandjack.net? The name of the site-Sam/Jack Directory-made no more sense to him than the black and
white picture of Carter and O'Neill that was looking back at him. Were Major Carter's eyes really that
blue? He made a mental note to check
that out the next time he saw her. He
frowned and decided to investigate more fully, clicking on the frames picture,
he entered the SJD.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Jonas
Quinn."
"Ah,
Teal'c." Jonas dragged his bleary
eyes away from the computer screen and tried to focus on the man standing in
the doorway.
"You
did not appear at the designated time for your self-defense lesson."
Jonas
closed his eyes and shook his head, trying to clear his mind and drag his
thoughts away from the display on his computer.
He'd had no idea Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill were involved with
each other! He opened his bloodshot eyes
and looked at the
Teal'c
crossed the room and looked over his shoulder at the computer screen. "Ah," he said, and Jonas detected a
wealth of understanding in his voice.
"Andromeda by Alli Snow. You
have chosen well."
"You
know about this?"
The
"Have
you eaten today, Jonas Quinn?"
"Ah,
no." He hadn't even realized he'd
been so involved in reading that he'd skipped lunch until Teal'c brought it up-and
reminded his now growling stomach.
"Let
us obtain sustenance and I shall endeavor to explain."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meanwhile...far, far away
"Oma?"
Daniel's voice was plaintive. "You're an all powerful being. I really
don't see why I can't check my email."
The
woman smiled enigmatically. "The ether flows where it can, the dam must
burst for man to find what he seeks."
The
shimmering light around the archaeologist dipped slightly as he frowned. "What?"
"The
DSL line is down again," muttered Oma, suddenly finding her brilliantly
white shoes very interesting. Daniel noted that at least she had the good grace
to look embarrassed.
He
narrowed his eyes. "You know, this whole cryptic thing can get very old
very quickly." Pushing his glasses sulkily up his nose, he turned with the
intention of storming out of the room, then remembered that on an ascended
plane of existence there weren't any rooms... or slammable doors. He sat down
heavily with his back to Oma and realized that he was a little homesick. Daniel
sighed deeply. For probably ninety-five per cent of the time he was fine with
his new life and was content with his decision to ascend. He'd seen and done
things beyond his wildest imagination, been the first human to experience this
new and exciting form of existence. A more spiritually minded man might say
he'd walked with gods, possibly a more arrogant man might say he'd become a
god. So yes, he was happy with his new life but every now and then the remnants
of his human side showed through and he couldn't escape the fact that he missed
his regular samandjack fix.
Oma
had installed a DSL line at his request but it turned out that on this
particular plane of existence that stood for 'Decidedly Suspect Link'. It didn't work most of the time and when it
did, it only connected to other ascended beings via their own dedicated ISP,
letsallglow.com. He'd made the best of it and even made a few online buddies in
the one and only chat room he'd found, but it just wasn't the same as talking
to Ness and everyone else at samandjack.
Daniel
had even suggested the idea of writing stories to some of his new buddies but
they didn't quite seem to grasp the concept. The replies he got were so clothed
in imagery, metaphor and symbolism they were completely unintelligible, at
least to Daniel.
If
only he could go on line in the regular way.... Perhaps it was time to pay the
SGC a visit. It was kind of against the rules but he wouldn't touch anything or
contact anyone, so he couldn't see what harm he could do. He'd just poke around
the base computer for a while.
Daniel
sat down and closed his eyes, concentrating hard. He pictured the SGC and
imagined walking down the corridor to his office, then opening the door. Jonas
was sitting at his desk, staring transfixed at the computer. Daniel moved
himself closer and peered over the other man's shoulder. When he saw what Jonas
was reading, he let out a gasp of surprise, which translated into a slight
breeze that ruffled Jonas' hair. Daniel took a step back as Jonas turned
towards him and rubbed the back of his neck. Being careful not to disturb Jonas
again, Daniel tried to gather his thoughts. The SJD! Jonas appeared to be
working his way through the fanfiction on the SJD! Daniel looked over Jonas'
shoulder again. Andromeda by Alli Snow. He could remember that one. It was a
shame Jonas had nearly finished; he would have enjoyed reading that again.
Then
an idea struck him. Could he influence Jonas to join samandjack? That would be
easier than trying to influence the base computer to let him check his email.
Inanimate objects could be so...well, intractable. He just needed to get inside
Jonas' head and give him a little suggestion. Who'd ever know?
He
slowly breathed in and imagined getting closer and closer to Jonas, until he
was brushing the top of his head, then, with a sharp exhale he was inside the
other man's brain, jostling for position with a myriad of thoughts and
feelings. It felt like he was in the eye of a storm, tossed and buffeted by the
wind. Daniel took a deep breath to steady himself. Gradually the chaos subsided
and he gently began to prod at Jonas' mind, trying to suggest he look for the
samandjack list. Daniel waded through story after story, a few weather reports,
some phone numbers and addresses, more stories, the complete works of
Shakespeare, a list of fast food restaurants, a few NC17 stories, lyrics to
hundreds of songs, assorted sexual fantasies and what appeared to be an
infinite amount of trivia, including the plots of various sci-fi series and
soap operas. How on earth did Jonas find the time to watch all those shows?
Daniel shook his head and took a metaphorical step back for a moment. There was
no escaping the fact that this guy had an incredible memory! His mind was so full
of stuff Daniel wasn't sure how to implant a suggestion so that it'd get
noticed. Jonas would probably think the samandjack list belonged in the latest
installment of the X-Files.
A
noise broke Daniel's concentration and he found himself back in his office
looking at Jonas, and now Teal'c. The sound he'd heard must have been the
"Let
us obtain sustenance and I shall endeavor to explain," said Teal'c.
Daniel
shrugged his shoulders. Oh well, he might as well tag along.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jonas
stared at Teal'c over the commissary table, his plate of spaghetti bolognese
completely forgotten. "You're telling me the Colonel and the Major write
stories too? And that all this has been going on for years?" he spluttered
incredulously, then added, almost as an afterthought, "Do
you...er...participate?"
Teal'c
nodded. "I have had many interesting conversations with Vanessa. She
introduced me to singing and taught me several songs that my teammates say they
will never forget."
Jonas,
who had heard the
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Several weeks later back on Earth....
Sam
nodded briefly to the airman that passed by, feigning an air of casualness and
nonchalance as she lurked in the corridor, waiting for the Colonel. She looked at her watch again, damn the man! Where was he?
Everyday, like clockwork, he would leave his office at 1035 and go to
the commissary for coffee. And it was
now 1040...people were going to get more than suspicious if she stayed in the
corridor much longer. She sighed and had
decided she'd just have to track him down in his office when she heard familiar
boot steps coming towards her. O'Neill
rounded the corridor and Sam grabbed him by the collar and hauled him into the
storeroom strategically positioned behind her.
"Hey!" O'Neill yelped. Once they were safely inside the cramped
supply room, Sam quickly let him go, pulling the door shut behind her and
locking it. She leaned against the door
for a moment, in an effort to catch her breath, frantically trying to recall
the speech she'd rehearsed earlier.
O'Neill
was leaning casually against a large metal rack. "You know, Carter, if you want to get me
alone in a supply closet, all you have to do is ask?" He waggled his eyebrows at her.
Sam
frowned; this wasn't going quite as she had planned. And the way he was looking at her was
wreaking havoc with her insides. Don't go there, girlfriend, she reminded
herself and tried to pull her scattered thoughts together. Finally abandoning her pre-planned speech she
blurted out, "We have a situation,
sir."
He
raised an eyebrow. "A
situation? We always have situations, Major. You're going to have to be a little more
specific than that."
"It's
Jonas."
"
And? But? So? Therefore?"
She
sighed heavily. "He's found the
SJD."
Sam
watched in amazement at the expressions that crossed her CO's face-confusion,
dawning comprehension, understanding and then returning to confusion. "That site's still around? Don't they know he doesn't want to be saved?"
It
was her turn to stare at O'Neill in confusion.
What the heck was he talking about?
Oh...understanding finally dawned for her and she gave him an
exasperated look. "Not the SDJ, the
SJD-the Sam & Jack Directory."
"Oh. Well, how does that qualify as a situation,
Major? Half the base knows about the
directory."
She
could feel a headache starting.
"After Daniel...ascended,
O'Neill
looked perplexed again and muttered, "I know I'm not getting all my
memos...."
He
looked at her. "And I take it Jonas
shouldn't have this kind of access?"
Sam
left her position by the door and sat down wearily on a couple of sturdy
looking boxes. "Yeah, whoever was
responsible for setting up Jonas' computer access and computer gave him the
same access-and computer-that Daniel had."
"Ah...I
see." Jack looked at his watch and
started inching towards the door.
"Well, that doesn't seem that bad, Carter. Just cancel his access."
"He's
joined the samandjack list."
O'Neill
stopped and started to speak, "That doesn't seem..."
Sam
interrupted, "And he has an email account."
"Well,
we all have email accounts," Jack countered.
"We
all don't have email accounts called 'jonas@samandjack.net'."
"samandjack.net?"
"Yeah,"
she sighed again. "The SJD has it's
own domain now."
"Cool!" O'Neill grinned at her and Sam had to clench
her hands together to keep from slapping him!
"You're
not taking this seriously, Colonel."
"No,
you're right, I'm not." He even
managed to look contrite for a brief moment.
"I'm sorry, Carter, but...how does Jonas having access to the SJD
and a rather...unique email address qualify as a situation?"
She
let her bomb drop. "He's been
corresponding with Ness."
"Oh,"
was all he said as his face suddenly lost its smile and he sank down on a box
next to her. "That could be a
problem."
"You
can say that again." They both sat
in morose silence for a few minutes.
"Has
she finished Surrender?"
Incredulous,
Sam turned her head and just looked at him.
Jonas was corresponding with someone who was considered a high security
risk and all the Colonel could think about was whether she had finished that
never ending WIP? "That's hardly
important."
"Well,
maybe not to you," he muttered a tad ungraciously.
A
sullen silence fell between them until Sam felt compelled to add, "And
besides, Suz is currently the Queen of WIPs." She wasn't sure what provoked her to make the
waspish comment, except for the fact that she was a little annoyed too, that Surrender wasn't finished. Not to mention those WIPs of Suz's currently
in limbo.
He
actually brightened up with her comment.
"As in whips and chains?"
She
glared at him. "No, as in
W-I-P," she spelled out for him, "work in progress."
"Ah,"
his expression once more became downcast and they both resumed their morose
musings. At least hers were morose, and
judging by the look on the Colonel's face, his thoughts weren't any
happier. But, this wasn't getting them
anywhere.
"Sir..."
"Okay,
Carter." O'Neill stood and his voice took on that ever so familiar command
tone that told Sam she wasn't going to like what was coming next. "You go
and have a little chat with Jonas. Make sure he doesn't go blabbing to all and
sundry about the list. And stop him talking to Ness. I'm going to go get my
coffee." He turned and tugged ineffectually on the still locked door
handle. "As soon as someone unlocks this door..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alone
in his office, Jonas sat at his desk and tried hard to stop himself blushing.
Oh my... never in his wildest dreams had he imagined doing that with Major Carter. To make Ness write something like Complete Control, he must have really
annoyed her. But try as he might, he couldn't think what he'd done to upset
Ness that much. Unless it was asking
her when she was going to post the next part of Surrender....
A
tap on the door interrupted his embarrassed thoughts. "Come in," he
shouted, desperately trying to compose himself. The limited success he was
having evaporated like the morning mist when he saw his visitor.
"Hi,"
said Sam, smiling weakly at him. He noticed her eyes flit nervously to his
computer, then equally nervously back to him.
Jonas
took in her twitchy demeanor and the apparent fascination with which she kept
looking over his shoulder at his emails and instantly came to the conclusion
that she'd read the story too. He felt an immediate urge to apologize. "Oh
Major Carter, I'm sorry...." he began.
She
frowned at him. "You're new at this so I appreciate you might not be aware
of the protocols involved. I think all I need to say at the moment is that it
would be a good idea to be more discreet. We don't want the whole base knowing
about it. And don't talk to Ness again!"
Jonas
nodded earnestly. After this story, he didn't particularly want to talk to Ness
either. And he could understand Major Carter wanting to keep it quiet.
"Don't worry," he said, "I won't tell a soul. And I definitely
won't be chatting with Ness."
"Good.
And just for the record, so you know where we stand on this.... I'd love it all
to come true one day, and so would the Colonel."
"Er...
right..." Jonas watched her leave his office, his mouth hanging open in
shock. Had she just propositioned him?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sam
let out a deep breath as she headed back to her office. That was kind of
embarrassing but went quite well all things considered, she thought to herself.
She'd told Jonas where they stood on the samandjack stories and warned him to
be more discreet. And he'd seemed quite happy to stop talking to Ness. That
should do the trick for now....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jonas
wandered down the corridor towards the commissary, desperately trying to figure
out what was going on. Major Carter's
attitude to the story about them was baffling. She was mad with Ness, but she
wanted it to happen one day? ... and to say that the Colonel wanted it to
happen too? He shook his head. There was obviously a lot about human
relationships he didn't know....
He
turned a corner to walk straight into a small child. The little boy sat down
abruptly and stared up at him from his vantage point on the floor. Jonas
thought he looked vaguely familiar and was trying to place where he knew him
from when Colonel O'Neill shot out of a nearby room and grabbed the child.
"Marty! For crying out loud! How many times do I have to tell you? You are
not allowed out on your own!" The Colonel glanced at Jonas, quickly taking
in his uniform, then said, "Sorry about that, airman, they're a devil to
keep an eye on at this age!" And with that, he took the boy and
disappeared back into the infirmary.
Today
was getting progressively stranger, he reflected. First Major Carter
propositioned him, then the Colonel called him 'airman' as if they'd never met
before... and who was that kid? Marty, the Colonel called him. Perhaps it was
time to have another little chat with Teal'c...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"There
is a cloning machine..." said Teal'c solemnly.
"That's
scientifically impossible," interrupted Jonas.
"Not
for the samandjack list," replied Teal'c, raising an eyebrow at Jonas.
"What
does it clone?"
"The
correct word is 'who', not 'what'."
Jonas'
mouth dropped open. "Who?" he echoed.
"Colonel
O'Neill, Major Carter, Daniel Jackson... there were others too. I believe the
Major Kawalsky clone is still living in Canada."
"Why
are you telling me this?"
"Two
of the clones are living nearby, in base housing..."
"But
what has this got to do with the rampant weirdness that's been attacking me
today?"
"I
believe you encountered the O'Neill clone and his son in the corridor. I had heard that they had an appointment with
Doctor Fraiser today."
Jonas
just stared at the Jaffa. For once, words totally failed him. He gestured
vaguely in the air, indicating that Teal'c should carry on.
"The
O'Neill and Major Carter clones have a son, Martouf George. He is a most
intelligent child."
"Does
General Hammond approve of this?" Jonas asked incredulously.
"He
does not know. He believes they are living in California with Sue
Corkill."
"I've
sent her feedback!" said Jonas enthusiastically, and then he frowned.
"So why are they back here? Sue seems like a real nice lady."
Teal'c
nodded in agreement. "She is. However, she owns two cats, Samantha and
Cassie, and the child was allergic to them. They had to leave."
"So
how did they get back here if the General doesn't know?"
"O'Neill
placed a requisition for their housing amongst many others and engaged the
General in conversation about his granddaughters as he was signing the
papers."
"Sneaky."
"Indeed."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Several days later...still on Earth.
Daniel stood behind Jonas and
tried to read over his shoulder. It was kind of frustrating, particularly as
Jonas either read a lot faster than the archaeologist, or skipped large chunks
of his mails. Daniel kept missing vital pieces of stories. Perhaps he could try
influencing Jonas again. When he'd tried it a few weeks ago, he'd got
interrupted by Teal'c but Jonas had still joined the samandjack list,
presumably because he'd planted the seed of the idea deep in his subconscious.
Of course, it could have been Teal'c actually telling Jonas about it but this
wasn't a readily acceptable idea to an ascended being so Daniel quickly pushed
it aside.
So, considering his previous
success, it should be pretty straightforward to make Jonas read a little
slower. He concentrated hard; breathing deeply and slowly and with a quick
push, entered the other man's mind. As before it was stuffed full of minutiae,
all the trivia he'd seen before plus a medical dictionary and all his research
notes on the Stargate project, Abydos and Ancient Egypt. Daniel felt a swell of
pride. It was nice to know someone was reading his work. But one recurring
thought dominated all else - Ness' latest story. Daniel didn't find that a
particularly strange idea, after all, on several occasions he'd been so
engrossed by stories he'd not been able to get them out of his mind. To get
Jonas this badly, it had to be a WIP. He gently probed a little deeper, then
stopped dead when he found more details. Graphic details. Sam and Jonas doing
it.... Sam attracted to Jonas... Jonas attracted to Sam....
A faint echo broke his
concentration. "Jonas is attracted
to Sam."
Oh no, that wasn't the
thought he'd wanted to implant in Jonas' brain at all! But before he could
correct the mistake by thinking, "Sam
has level four hand to hand", Jonas had jumped up and virtually run
out of his office, breaking the link between them in the process.
"Oh crap!" muttered
Daniel to no-one in particular.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"How
dare you!"
Teal'c
paused outside of Major Carter's lab and was wondering if she required
assistance when he heard Jonas Quinn's agitated voice.
"Wait! I'm sor..."
Followed
by the unmistakable sound of what he surmised was Major Carter's fist impacting
with some portion of Jonas Quinn's anatomy. Teal'c heard a thud, which to his
experienced ears sounded just like a body hitting the floor. He barely had time to move out of Major
Carter's path when she suddenly stormed out of her lab. Her face was flushed with anger and her eyes
were filled with outrage as she hurried past him without saying a word. Teal'c watched her stride down the
hallway...interesting.
Teal'c
entered the Major's lab and saw Jonas Quinn sitting on the floor, dabbing at
his mouth with a handkerchief. Jonas
looked up, disbelief all over his face.
"She hit me!"
"Indeed. What did you do to provoke Major Carter to
attack you?"
"I
was just trying to help." Jonas
stood up, continuing to dab at his rapidly swelling lip. "Is it bleeding?"
"It
appears whatever bleeding occurred has stopped." Teal'c gave the other man a firm look. "You have not explained why Major Carter
hit you."
Jonas
let out a heavy sigh and sat down on a nearby stool. "I know Major Carter has been feeling
stressed, what with all the, er, personnel changes on SG-1, and now the
Colonel's injury. So, I came to see if
there was anything I could do to help."
Teal'c
nodded and this seemed to encourage Jonas.
"You could literally see the stress radiating from her, so I
decided to massage her shoulders."
Teal'c
merely raised an eyebrow.
"It
seemed to be helping," Jonas protested feebly. He sighed and looked bewildered. "And then, well, I...kissed her."
Teal'c's
other eyebrow shot up.
"Indeed."
"Just
on her nape," Jonas quickly explained.
"And then, she hit me."
"Jonas
Quinn, why would you kiss Major Carter?"
"Because...she told me it's what she
wanted... and I suddenly realised I was attracted to her."
"The
only male that Major Carter desires to kiss her is Colonel O'Neill."
The
look of confusion on Jonas' face only increased. "But, she said," he stuttered
helplessly, "...the story...she wanted it all to come true."
All
though Teal'c suspected he knew the answer, he asked anyway. "Of which story do you speak, Jonas
Quinn?"
"Complete Control."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sam
stormed through the service line at the commissary, grabbing a bowl of jello
and some iced tea. Glaring at the
hapless server behind the counter, she signed the chit and stalked to her usual
table. Men, she thought sourly, gulping down a spoonful of jello. He seemed so nice and harmless...hah! How could she have forgotten that all men
were scum? Well, except for maybe one
man...her feelings for the Colonel aside, what was she going to do about
Jonas? Her life couldn't be more
complicated right now and she really did not want to have to deal with an
amorous alien. Suddenly losing her
appetite, Sam sat her spoon down and stared glumly at her lovely blue
jello.
"Major
Carter?"
She
looked up and saw Teal'c standing in front of her, his expression was more
serious than usual and he held a manila folder in one large hand.
"You
have done a great disservice to Jonas Quinn."
Sam
sighed. Great, just what she needed, a
scumbag man defending another scumbag man.
"Teal'c..."
He
didn't say anything, just placed the manila folder on the table in front of
her. "Read this before you pass
judgement on Jonas Quinn."
Sam
pulled the folder closer and Teal'c turned and left, not waiting to see if she
opened it or not. Curious as to it's
contents and why Teal'c felt she should read it, Sam opened the folder and
started reading....
Some
thirty minutes later Sam still sat in the commissary, staring at the open
manila folder in front of her. She was
mortified. The words from her little
chat with Jonas about the samandjack list played gleefully through her
mind. "I'd love it all to come true one day, and so would the
Colonel." She groaned and
buried her face in her hands. No wonder
Jonas had made a pass at her, given the contents of Ness' latest fic! And just what she doing posting something
like this to samandjack anyway? Holy
Hannah! Could her life get anymore
complicated? Sam sighed, lifting her
head up out of her hands and straightening her shoulders. Her sense of honor dictated only one course
of action. Gathering the papers
together, Sam stood and left the commissary.
**************************
Unfortunately
for Sam, the closer she got to Jonas' office the less clear her plan
became. What on earth could she say to
him that wouldn't embarrass them both?
She finally reached his office and in mounting frustration, ran her
hands through her already mussy hair. Just do it and get it over with, she
told herself. Straightening her
shoulders, she knocked on the partially closed door.
"Enter."
Sam
peeked around the corner. "May I come in?" Sam took some small comfort in the fact that
Jonas looked every bit as uncomfortable as she felt.
He
nodded, his whole demeanor one of caution.
"Sure." He stood as she
entered, staying behind his desk.
"Major Carter, if this is about what happened earlier..."
Jonas started, his voice ringing with sincerity.
She
held up a hand, "Yes, Jonas, it is.
I..."
"Major
Carter," he interrupted, "you've got to believe me, I am so
sorry..."
"Jonas!" Sam interrupted him and fixed him with a
stern look. He immediately shut up. "I'm the one who needs to apologize." She stepped closer to his desk and put the
manila folder that Teal'c had given her on his desk. "After reading this, I can see why you
thought I would be...receptive to your advances." She felt herself start to blush, good grief,
she sounded like the heroine of a gothic romance!
Jonas
opened the folder and she could see a corresponding blush develop on his face
when he looked at its contents. His
voice was subdued when he finally spoke.
"When you were in here that day and told me about the list, I
thought you had seen that story on
my computer." Jonas shuddered.
"Why would Ness post a story like that to samandjack anyway?"
Good question, Sam thought sourly.
"Jonas, most things that happen on the list are
unexplainable." He nodded in
apparent agreement.
She
sighed, okay, time to continue with her groveling. "Jonas, I am so sorry I hit you. If there's anything I can do to make it up to
you...." As soon as the words left
her mouth, his face brightened up, and she knew she was in trouble.
"As
a matter of fact, there is something you can do for me."
She
nodded, feeling apprehension curl in her stomach.
"I
know there's a place for me here at the SGC, and if you could just give me the
chance to prove myself..."
Okay,
that she could do, she wasn't sure how, but she'd try. "All right," she said slowly.
"And...if
you could put in a good word for me with Colonel O'Neill?"
"Jonas..."
His
eyes grew shadowed and he tried to keep smiling. Looking at his forlorn expression, Sam
couldn't help but notice his puffy lip and the slight bruise on his jaw and she
was once more overcome with guilt.
"All right, I'm not making any promises, but I'll see what I can
do."
He
gave her a genuine smile then and she started backing towards the door. "Thanks, Major Carter." She had just opened the door when he added,
"Oh, by the way, Teal'c explained to me what you and the Colonel want to
come true one day." Jonas'
brilliant smile almost blinded her.
"And he gave me some fic titles to look for!"
"Ah...good,"
she stammered. "I'll see you later,
Jonas." She quickly left the
office, starting once more to fume.
Great, just what she needed, one more person speculating about her
non-existent sex life with the Colonel!
Wait until she saw a certain busybody Jaffa!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meanwhile....
"So they are able to say
when the wind shall blow and the birds shall sing?" Oma looked puzzled, in
an enigmatic kind of way.
Taken aback by what for her
was a remarkably straight question, Daniel didn't reply immediately. He just
stared at her with his mouth open for a few moments. Then he shook himself and
replied, “Yeah, they know what's going to happen at the SGC and particularly
with SG1. They're sometimes a little off, but they're generally pretty
accurate.”
Oma absorbed this
information. “Are they ascended beings?” she asked earnestly.
Daniel stifled a grin. “I've
heard them described as 'lost in space' or 'on a different planet', but
ascended, no.”
Nodding, she said firmly, “I
must become a member of this community. When the mists clear for others we must
participate in their discoveries.”
“You can't bear missing out
on gossip, you mean,” muttered Daniel under his breath. Then in a louder voice,
he added, “You'll need a better net connection than letsallglow.com.”
She nodded again. “I will
find a path that is straight and wide and leads to the fount of all knowledge.”
Daniel raised an eyebrow.
That was one way to describe the samandjack list. He watched Oma turn and
leave, then punched the air in triumph and yelled, “Yes!” at the top of his
voice. He'd get his samandjack fix without leaving his own plane of existence.
And no more trying to influence Jonas. His last attempt at that had been
spectacularly unsuccessful. He had to admit he felt kind of guilty about what
had happened. He really ought to try and make things up to him. But how? After
what happened last time there was no way he was going to poke around in Jonas'
mind again. Then he had a flash of inspiration. Of course, that was it!
Grinning to himself, he headed off to Jonas' office....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Jonas returned to his
office after lunch, he was surprised to see a book lying open on his desk. As
he got closer, he realised it was one of Doctor Jackson's diaries. He began to
read...
"Jack can be so
stubborn sometimes, everything has to be done his way, the military way.
Sometimes I wish I had the guts to blackmail him - either we do it my way, or I
go to General Hammond and tell him all about his relationship with Sam. I know
there isn't really anything going on but it'd be difficult to deny if I showed
the General the samandjack list...."
A slight breeze ruffled
Jonas' hair as he smiled to himself. "Doctor Jackson, thank you very
much," he said to the empty room.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little later.... far, far away....
“Daniel.” Oma spoke softly,
inclining her head towards the archaeologist. “I have accessed the fount of all
knowledge as you suggested. I believe you may find this learning too.”
Daniel thought for a moment.
“Ah! You've subbed to samandjack and I can sub too. Thanks.”
“However, I note that the
fount of all knowledge have declared you will pay a visit to your friend, the
one with the closed mind and the open mouth.”
“I'm going to see Jack?”
Oma nodded. “You may appear
to him but if we discover you have disturbed the flow of the cosmos you will be
caught in the swirling depths without hope of rescue.”
“If I interfere with his life
directly I'll be...” Daniel paused, searching for a suitable metaphor.
“Up shit creek without a
paddle,” offered Oma placidly. “Is that clear?”
Suitably chastened, Daniel
nodded meekly. Perhaps telling Oma about samandjack wasn't such a good idea
after all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Later at the SGC...
"I don't think the
General is going to take no for an answer much longer, sir." Sam stared at
Jack over the table in the commissary. He sat gazing into his coffee and
completely ignored her. She pursed her lips in annoyance at the lack of
response from her commanding officer.
Sometimes she wondered why she bothered. He chose that moment to look up
straight into her eyes and give her that unbearably cute half smile that turned
her insides to mush. Oh yes, *that* was why she bothered.
"Sorry, Carter. Did you
say something?"
She idly stirred her coffee.
Now was as good a time as any. "Actually, yes sir. I was thinking that
you're going to have to choose a fourth for the team soon. The General's
patience is wearing thin."
Jack frowned. "I take it
you have someone in mind?"
"Jonas."
"Absolutely not."
He looked at her suspiciously. "Did he put you up to this?"
Sam felt herself beginning to
squirm. "Not exactly.... He just asked me to put in a good word for
him."
Jack shook his head.
"The answer is still no." Then he added, "Speak of the
devil," and nodded towards the door. Sam turned to see a grinning Jonas
heading straight for them. "That guy smiles too much," muttered Jack
darkly as Jonas pulled out a chair and sat down.
"Colonel, Major,"
Jonas said brightly as he folded his hands on the table on front of him.
"Have you considered my
request to join SG1, sir?" he asked politely.
"I'm afraid the answer
is still no."
"Under the
circumstances, I think you may want to reconsider, sir."
"And what circumstances
might they be?"
Sam looked on curiously.
Jonas seemed to be up to something... but what?
Jonas didn't leave her
guessing for long. "The circumstances of the clones living in base housing
without the General's knowledge." His smile broadened as he watched this
information sink into the Colonel's brain. "Of course, I could forget all
about little Marty and his parents in exchange for a month's trial on
SG1."
"That's blackmail,"
protested the Colonel.
"And getting the General
to sign for their housing in the way you did was probably fraud,"
Jonas replied, still smiling.
"Touché," muttered
Sam.
"All right, you're
in," muttered Jack with very bad grace. "... subject to Hammond's
agreement."
"Thank you, sir. You
won't regret it."
"Oh, I'm sure I will. I
guess you cooked up this little plan with the help of the samandjack
list?"
Jonas shook his head.
"No, sir. Doctor Jackson gave me the idea."
"Daniel's dead!"
"Ascended,"
corrected Sam.
"Whatever,"
muttered Jack. "He's not around anyway."
Jonas grinned. "Oh I
think you'll find he's still making his presence felt"
A gentle breeze wafted
through the room and Daniel smiled. Finally he could go back to his own plane
of existence and read his emails in peace.